Skip to main content

Sexplorations with AJ: Digital Dating and Being Single in the 2020s

Hello and welcome to our educational, unapologetic, entertaining voyage into all things sexy. 


I’m AJ and I’ll be navigating us through this hot and steamy journey - although I will probably be on a bus or something because I can’t drive and I’m a bit scared of boats.


I'm passionate about learning, intimacy, and I never stop talking so why not combine all three into a nice, neat, easily digestible sex column?

 

Darling’s first sex column, I should mention (imagine me winking). 



Hopefully on our explorations together, we’ll all learn something - but don’t get confused, this is nothing like the lessons you had at school. 


You know those coffee shop debriefs with your mates where you discuss the sordid, explicit affairs of the night before or if that stuff in your knickers is normal? Sitting and giggling into your latte while you recount the ins and outs, ups, downs and all-arounds while your friend sits opposite you completely entranced by your escapades - or desperately trying to give you advice and book you a GP appointment. That’s what this column is going to be like. 


So, if you fancy - and I hope you do - let’s meet up for a chat and info session on the first Thursday of every month. 


Supply your own coffee though, I’m not made of money.



Over the next few months, we’re going to dive into everything from casual sex and experimentation to the serious stuff like the aftermath of assault, consent, and safety. 


To just dip our toes in, let’s start with the basics and talk about the bumpy road that is dating in the 2020s. 

 

Now, I've had many dating chats over the last few years. Whether they be post-breakup comfort sessions or a morning-after-the-tinder-date catch up, you can bet that they ask that classic question:


“Why don't you go out to meet people?”


If you're riddled with anxiety like me, that question will make your jaw clench and your palms start sweating. But at the same time, unfortunately, I think we all know that there's some truth to their concerns.

 

Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, - even Plenty of Fish if you're vintage, dating apps are the thing. They're everywhere, everyone is using them and that seems to be the extent of most peoples dating outreach these days. And honestly, who can blame them?



Meeting people in person is frightening, especially someone you find attractive. And having to go up to someone, tell them you think they're attractive and then ask them if they think you are is borderline heart-stopping. 


There are both pros and cons to dating apps but to many, the cons outweigh the pros. 


Apps like Tinder and Bumble are a glorified version of 'Hot or Not' and no matter if your the swiper or swipee, that's going to deplete your confidence eventually. 


On the flip-side, when people like you, it feels damn good. It is so easy to get addicted to that dopamine hit but it's ultimately short term. 

 

Speaking of short term, what are most if us actually looking for on these app? Hookups? Relationships? Not sure? There's labeled options for all of them to help you find someone whose after exactly what you're after which sounds great in practice. 


In reality, we're all human and feelings and thoughts can change with time. Intention versus execution is another huge hurdle with apps and modern dating. 

 

Not that these apps are all doom and gloom. I have several friends who have loving, strong relationships that began virtually. 


Though they might be few and far between, they definitely are out there. The focus doesn't always have to be on hoping in bed, in fact apps like Bumble have settings that are made for searching for specifically platonic relationships which is refreshing. 

 

Bottom line is that we all want to feel good, because who wouldn't? 


For some people that looks like a long term partner, for other it may be a short term one, some person you met on the street, a person from work, by yourself, by yourself with someone over the phone, over the phone with no one else - I could go on (and you bet I bloody will next month). 


We just want to feel nice: emotionally and physically. It's human nature. And boy, is it hard to navigate when we're on the cusp of a wide-spread virtual-sexual revolution that no other generation has really experienced before. 


Not to sound cheesy, we do have each other to lean on while we navigate these tumultuous dating scenes. I'll hold your hand, you hold mine and we'll have a grand old time. 

 

Thank you for reading this very first column entry of Sexplorations with AJ, I've enjoyed chatting and I hope you have too. Same time and place next month? 


AJ


Edited by Emily Duff




Comments

Most Popular

‘Make Tattooing Safe Again’: Sheffield Based Tattoo Artist Exposed for Indecent Behaviour

 by Emily Fletcher TW: SA, Animal Abuse, Transphobia Photo Credit: @ meiko_akiz uki Recently, an  Instagram account  has been created to provide a  ‘space to safely give a voice to those who want to speak out about the behaviour of one, Sheffield based tattoo artist’. A  total of 40+ posts have been made by the above social media account regarding  one of Sheffield's most popular tattoo artists .  Thankfully, all posts are prefaced with a Content Warning prior to sharing screenshots of the messages that have been sent anonymously to the page. The majority of Content Warnings refer to sexual behaviour, abuse, and sexual assault. It is clear that there is a reoccurring theme within each submission, as many clients appear to have had the same experiences with the tattoo artist. Women, mostly, are being made to feel uncomfortable while being tattooed. One of the most vulnerable positions anyone can be in, tattoo artists should make their clients feel comfortable and safe during the pro

Eurydice’s Last Words

by Kate Bradley I do not want to return To sit in the stalls, Of an empty black box Strewn with petals Leave the ghost light on, Let it shine like a call home, But I will not come back To turn it off alone. I learn this as we walk Our ever so solemn path Our thudding funeral march, You think we’re going back. As I trace my old steps, I fear of the day When the symphony swells, And I land my gaze On you, yet you will be Enraptured by the sound, If you did twist To turn around, You would not see me. So I am not sorry, I speak out into the empty air And I am not sorry. “Turn Around.” You do, you look You think  I fall But I run on, Arms wide open To fall in love With it all “Perhaps she was the one who said, ‘Turn around.” On the X45 bus, back from the Tyneside Cinema, I wrote a poem entitled “Eurydice’s Final Words”, after having seen “Portrait of a Lady on Fire”.  That poem was terrible, so I wrote a new one, as my response to the beautifully poignant film.  In one scene, Héloïse, an 18

Single Review: ‘Tell Me’ - Jay Moussa-Mann

by Ilana Hawdon The feeling of pure betrayal and heartbreak is perfectly captured in Jay Moussa-Mann’s latest single, ‘Tell Me’. Jay Moussa-Mann is the folk dream we have been waiting for. A favourite on BBC Introducing, Radio 6 and BBC Radio Tees, Jay ’s sound is easy on the ears but delightfully addictive. With a background in writing and film, she began her solo musical venture when she released her debut album, ‘Little Deaths’ in late-2019, and since then, Moussa-Mann has defined herself as an artist with unbelievable range and promise.    ‘Tell Me’ is completely timeless; with notes of Carole King and Joni Mitchell, Moussa-Mann creates a folk-inspired track which is simultaneously heart wrenching and strangely empowering. Beginning as a simple guitar tune, ‘Tell Me’ builds with layers of luscious strings and twinkling piano, tied together with Jay ’s vocal line which is equal parts melancholic and divine. The song feels unwaveringly intimate; the lyrics ask, ‘what was I worth?’